SUNDRY ISSUES

Today, I have decided to talk about a few issues which have come about as a result of some disturbing trends that I  have observed. We were made to relate with other people and not exist in a vacuum or in isolation so, whatever we do, however we behave, would impact on others whether we like it or not; sometimes, one could hinder the smooth flow of this relationship by human complexities and idiosyncrasies. I was just pondering on these and wondering why some people behave the way they do. Please join me on the ride.

Dangerous Poverty
I was on my way home from the office on Friday, and witnessed a scene which prompted this post. There's this woman I sometimes buy plantain from, on my way home from work; her makeshift stall is located near a popular supermarket along my route, one that we jokingly call 'the Shop rite of our area' because of the high level patronage it enjoys; everyday, she comes out faithfully to market her wares by the roadside, with her young son, playing around gleefully. I had stopped to buy a few items in a nearby shop opposite where she sat, when I noticed a serious commotion as a crowd gathered across the road, and stalled vehicular movement temporarily. I was just coming out of the shop I was at, to get to my car, and I wondered what the whole hullabaloo was about. A woman in the next shop, who had just returned from the scene of trouble told me that the plantain seller had been beaten up by her husband, but he had become involved in a near fatal accident. Apparently, the plantain seller had received a phone call from a woman, who claimed to be her husband's mistress,  threatening that she would kill the plantain seller and her son, in order to have her husband. The plantain seller responded that she would poison her before she had the chance to do that, and warned the mistress to stay away from her husband. Apparently, madam mistress called her lover boy, the plantain seller's husband and told him that his wife had made threats to her. Acting on this phone call from his mistress, the plantain seller's husband, who is a commercial motorbike  rider, or 'okada man' as they are known here, stomped off to his wife's stall by the roadside to confront her on her effrontery at daring to confront his mistress. In an angry rage, he began to beat up his wife; the more people begged him to leave her alone, the more furious he became. When he finally decided to leave her alone, he drove into the road, against traffic in anger, and rammed into an oncoming SUV!  He was injured, and stunned, but did not die. The woman who was narrating the incident declared that it was an instant judgement from God, because his wife had been using her meager earnings to cater for their child without much input from him, while he philandered about the place. She added, 'which kin husband be that? Woman wey dey take care of your pikin, do everything, you come disgrace am like that for road, na God judge am o!'  She told me that the wife had been trying to call her family members to report how her husband assaulted her on the road, when the accident happened. I shook my head in pity and anger. I will not lie, my full sympathies lay with the battered wife. As my driver drove away, I looked across at the abusive husband, he was seated on the floor in a corner, apparently dazed at the collision with the SUV, but he did not seem to have been badly hurt, and in typical Nigerian fashion, a crowd of on lookers, touting every opinion under the sun, milled around him. His wife had not moved from her stool in her stall, and I could see her calmly making calls on her phone.
How can a man, who is barely able to make ends meet, be so foolish to keep a mistress? So, from the little he makes as a commercial motorcyclist, he keeps a high maintenance mistress, while his wife sweats it out to take care of the home alone? I see not just physical lack at work here, but mental lack as well, which is really the most dangerous poverty of all; no matter how educated a man claims to be, if he  cannot reason rationally enough to take informed decisions in life, that can better his lot, and move him from point A, to Z, such a man is poor, and poverty of the mind is the most dangerous of all; physical poverty is far more tolerable.

On hurling insults at people online....
There's this young woman, probably in her early to mid thirties, who happens to be an acquaintance, both on Facebook, and twitter, and whose only stock in trade seems to be dishing out insults to her followers at every turn of the head; its made me wonder why she even bothered to add friends to her social network at all. Sadly enough, this does not apply to her alone, as I have come across exchanges where insults are hurled from every corner at fellow contributors, and to my dismay, most of the people doing the verbal bashing range from teenagers to people in their twenties or older. I know some really popular blogs where insulting people seems to be the unwritten job description. Some people have this mistaken notion that, because the internet is a virtual world, they can hide behind a computer, a phone, Ipad, or whatever electronic devices there are using, to unnecessarily insult anyone who dares to voice an opinion which is contrary to theirs. It's also a common thing on BB personal messages, which seems to have turned into a psychologist's couch, to see all manners of abuses and insults in the name of updates. It irks me because, it's either you invited someone to your bbm, or they invited you; are the abuses meant for someone on your bbm list, or what? If someone makes you that angry, why not simple press the 'delete' button? Really, befriending someone on social media, is not by force, but if you are gracious enough to add someone to your list of friends, then why do you abuse them for every opinion they express?  It is certain that people on your contact list on whatever social media platform you are engaged in, will offend you; methinks there are more decent ways of disagreeing with the opinion of others without being disagreeable. Even if you hurl insults anonymously, be sure that it could catch up with you one day; no matter how tempted you are to insult someone in the virtual world, try and chose the path of honor and be decent about it. It does not reduce you in any way.

Counterfeiting Spree.
We live in an age where a lot of people feel that they need to act in a certain way, affect an accent that was acquired merely by seeing off a relative or friend to the airport, dress in a certain way, and carry ridiculously expensive accessories, in order to be seen to have arrived. It is a jet age, and people are in a hurry to belong to certain social circles, where ostentatiousness seems to be the only requirement for admittance. So many people are going about masking their insecurities with a cloak of arrogance; an air of 'having-it-all.' This craze to receive the validation of other people by displaying opulence would have been so laughable, if it was not so ridiculous. We live in an age where a lot of people do not realize that there is a process which leads to the glory; a cross which leads to the crown; tests, which lead to the testimonies. I agree that there are many, who were born with diamond spoons and have never had to sweat to acquire material things, but it irks me when I see people who are so unreal in their relationships with others, who end up biting more than they can chew. They live a borrowed life-the car is borrowed, the designer bag is borrowed, the jewelries are borrowed, the cars they are posing in front of, or even driving, are borrowed, and if you look closely enough, their eyes, lashes, bum, or hair, could have been borrowed as well. I have so much respect for people who dare to be themselves, no matter how tempted they are to feign to be someone they are not. If you cannot afford something, you do not have to borrow, steal, or pretend to impress others.  It is not a crime  to lack, but stealing or passing off other people's possessions as yours, and living way beyond your means is. I sincerely believe that whatever you do not have now, you can have tomorrow, if you work hard and trust God. There is no point cutting short the process to your making by a counterfeit life. You will have genuine friends and relationships, when you are genuine/authentic yourself.

How about you, what are some of your pet peeves? How can we get these out of the way in order to relate with others authentically? What are some things you feel are relationships enhancers, or destroyers?